Her Majesty’s government is pleased to announce the opening of its amazing, new TOMMY ROBINSON Residential Weight Loss Program!
Prime Minister Theresa May, Home Secretary Savid Javid, and Governor Darren Hughes, of HM prison Omley, guarantee you will lose at least 40 pounds in 60 days on the Program diet. If you do not lose the suggested number of pounds, Her Majesty’s government will take another run at it.
The Program is approved by Hypocrisy International.
Here is your weekly schedule:
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Monday: 1 can of tuna; 1 piece of fruit
Tuesday: 1 can of tuna; 1 piece of fruit
Wednesday: 1 can of tuna; 1 piece of fruit
Thursday: 1 can of tuna; 1 piece of fruit
Friday: 1 can of tuna; 1 piece of fruit
Saturday: 1 can of tuna; 1 piece of fruit
Sunday: one piece of fruit; one can of tuna
Other food will be available to you to supplement this diet, but be advised that this food will be prepared by people who have threatened to poison you.*
Note: Medical care will not be available during the program. You should consult your physician ahead of time, as rapid weight loss can lead to a number of serious health problems. Also, as the program is administered in a controlled, isolated environment, PTSD is a definite possibility.
This is a difficult program, but you’re worth it!
Sign-up today! All you have to do is speak your mind in public and Her Majesty’s government will take care of the rest.
* Human feces will daily be passed to you through an outside window by fellow residents. It’s all part of the Program.
God Save the Queen!
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